What shall we nickname you?

Hello again, Baby Tigh. So far that has been what we call you. Baby Tigh. I have to be honest with you. We've been hesitant to nickname you because we are afraid. We are afraid we might lose you, and we desperately want to keep you. As I said before, we have so many questions. I wonder if you'll have red hair like your dad, or brown hair like me. What color will your eyes be?

But the most important question of all: who will you be?

You see, it's hard for me to pick a nickname because it conveys a good bit about a person, and I don't know who you are yet. But it will be a good deal of time before I know who you are, and I don't want to stick with generics. You are not an "it". You are a child; our child. You are Baby Tigh... but that's so generic.

Your big brother Zach has many nicknames. He is Zach Attack. Zacharoo, Zacharooni, etc. All plays on his name, with the exception of one: he is Thing 1. Among the items I already have for you, I have a Thing 2 onesie, an outfit I intend to bring you home from the hospital in. You are our Thing 2. But it feels a little odd to call you Thing 2 while you are still so small. I do have a feeling that it may stick though.

Our long awaited Thing 2. Our glorious rainbow after the storm of infertility, Thing 2.

And yet, as I write this I got another gush of spotting. Thing 2, I need you to stop that! 4 days of doing everything I can to hang on to you.. 4 days of waiting and watching and worrying. Mommy's scared, sweetheart, and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

So this is why we hesitate. We hold back, expecting that if we lose you we will somehow be less devastated because we never allowed ourselves to get too attached. But that's not the truth no matter what. We're attached to you, we are hopeful for you, and we love you very much. We are in awe of you! You are so tiny, and you have no idea how the world works, but I can tell you that every pregnancy is a miracle. There are so many factors that go into this, it's a wonder anyone gets pregnant. But here you are! Alive! Growing in my stomach! You are a miracle from God!

You are our miracle; my miracle. Our long awaited miracle. We want to celebrate you, but fear is holding us back. We've already told the world about you. We are all praying for you. Hopeful for you. and yet feeling on the verge of devastation. You are so little, you are merely the size of an appleseed. But you hold our hearts, Thing 2. Please stay with us, little one. I couldn't bear to lose you.